i had an interesting conversation today, about awe.

What is the source of awe?

Awe exists in christianity (surrender to God)

Awe exists in Buddhism (dissolving ego)

There is a universal craving for that sensation. I consciously use the word sensation because it is not thought based. I believe it is soul based. It is something that I am unable to put into word or form. My co-conversationalist talked about it (awe) in the context of consciousness. 

When we observe something in nature, we are small, but also imperative in the relationship because without ‘us’  (our existence as an observer) the experience would not exist. 

The paradoxical component/experience of feeling small while also necessary. We are imperative to the experience. 

Zoom in 

Zoom out.

The awe-hunter. Why do we take pictures of flowers and sunrises? Are we trying to capture that sensation? I think that we have a deep desire, or calling, to share it. We want to spread the awe. 

I always believed that humans, at their core, are ‘good’.  I believe that we want to do good. I believe that we are trying to do good. I had a graduate school professor say , “Everyone is doing the best they can, with what they have been given, and a given moment” (or something like that). My 25 year old self held this tight as I entered the world as a professional therapist. Sometimes i tell my clients, “I am your biggest fan.” I know you are doing the best you can, with what you have been given.

As I age, i find a greater pull to the other side. The other side is the belief that people do not have positive intention. This breeds distrust, which is usually the result of ongoing hurt and pain. The big T. Hate breeds hate. 

The opposite of the awe-hunter is the joy stealer. The joy criminal. 

I have become increasingly aware of this ‘role’, or this part.  What is that about? I look at it with curiosity…

I have implemented an additional level of  consciousness around doing that …being that (the joy stealer). 

It is resentment, and bitterness that spills over to another. It is UNFAIR. Survivors hate unfairness. 

That seed of resentment can be small. It can present as a glimmer of a thought. A judgement. Individuals in 12-step programs know the power of a resentment. 

When it is stoked, it will eventually lead to a fire, and then possibly an explosion. Progression is a bitch (emotional and behavioral) *see 12-step 

When something is left unchecked, it continues to fester. I believe that communities have a responsibility to keep the behavior in check as a means to create a sense of universal safety. Safety for the greater good.   Zero tolerance. 

The joy criminal has a way of finding the awe-hunter. They see the awe-hunter as vulnerable. Their happiness scares them because it makes them aware of something that they do not possess. It challenges the core of their being. 

I got out of work today and went to the beach. I parked on the dune top and watched a pack of seagulls cluster around a big ass seal in the breaking waves. That feels like it means something. I am not sure what it means, but there was something metaphoric.

There was something awe-inducing.